Skenecia is burning

Yes, it's true: when you assume you make an ass out of you and Skenecia.

Sucks. I really wanted it to be her (this wonderful woman is actually named Laurie, or so a quick trip back in time to the camping episode tells me). Laurie, you will forever be my SkiSki. Skenecia is a lovely little girl . . .

. . . but she's no Laurie. Beyoncé pretty, indeed.

(A moment of silence for the death of Skenecia as we knew her.)

Episode 6 of Skenecia: A Tragedy opens with a "chance" "encounter" with Sherman Hemsley aka George Jefferson aka The Man Who Married Weezy. Bobby and he are united in always proving that behind every good man is a cranky, scene-stealing woman. Whitney's hubby and Weezy's hubby banter and then do some dance Sherman calls "slop" (I think). Whatever you call it, it looks like CP to me.

Speaking of trips back through time, the first real segment begins with Bobby explaining in a continuity-obliterating voiceover that his house is flooded and so he and his family must stay at the Hyatt.

Uh, we could have used this information last week when the Browns were plopped down in some hotel-ish room with no explanation of why. Episodes 5 and 6 were run out of order for no reason. Look:

This week's room shots . . .

. . . and last week's . . .

Same. Beds. And. Chair. Same. Place. What to the hell?

Anyway, as Bobby checks in, Whitney slips out with someone named Cherelle. Saturday love!

And what a talk it is. Here's the complete story Whitney tells 'Relle when they're at the bar.

I guess demonic possession is as good of an explanation of Bobby's behavior as any. Whit and Relle's gab session is intercut with scenes of Bobby flipping out because he has a photoshoot to attend and he needs money, I mean Whitney, and where is she blahblahblah. He sort of bellows at her on the phone a few times in a threatening manner and to her credit, she ignores him and does what the fuck she wants. Atta girl!

On his way to the photoshoot, Bobby sings a smoothed out, more complicated version of the show's theme song (i.e. this one has more words than just the warbled, "Being Bobby Brownnnn" but is still about, uh, being him). The last line is, "Keep my name outcha mouth." He's really shy, you know. Also, Tommy (or someone) says:

Someone makes a joke about D.W.B. (driving while black) and Bobby says that it should stand for "driving while Bobby."  Ha!

At the shoot, a strapping lesbian takes pictures of him basking in the afternoon's waning glow. These are intended to be promo pics for his upcoming album, which we're still waiting on (keep in mind that this show was filmed over a year ago).

"Word!" says the photog.

Then we see Whitney walking through a lobby and approaching a piano. In fit that will make the shame-shamers shake their heads even more solemnly, Whit attempts to sing "Send in the Clowns" but can't get with it. She's a tangle of head shaking, directing and "Go back, go back"s.

She gives up, but only after we have.

Always down-to-earth, Whitney offers her theory on why it didn't work.

Right. And the Newports smoked themselves.

Oh, and intercut with this is Bobby at the bar, asking if they have  CD player so he can play his "new single" (again, still waiting on it). No one cares, and this isn't even the saddest part of the episode. But first, dinner!

I love it when she's in a good mood! Some comments BK makes about biscuits and gravy get Bobby and Whitney a-singing, and this one's as good as, if not better than, "Glasses Glassesglasses Glasses," as heard in the first ep. "Busciuts and Gravy" sounds vaguely like "Heartbreak Hotel" and its lyrics involve lots of sopping. During the course of the song, food flies out of Bobby's mouth.

Whatever. Whitney wanted it.

For dessert, pus:

And also, shit. They sit outside, waiting for their dog, Doogie (I think) to go and then realize that Whitney's been sitting next to a pile. Her rant upon discovering it includes the phrase, "Heavens to Betsy!"

And then, rumbling.

After the faux-violence, Bobby tells the camera, "That's why I love my family. That's why I love that lady. Can only love her, man." Yeah, I know. She's terrific. Especially when she's channeling Mr. Ed.

This shot was taken as she enthusiastically tears into a rendition of Black Eyed Peas' "Shut Up," which she introduces as her "new theme song." The lyrics involve repeating "Shut up" and "Bullshit" a lot. Right up her alley. As she sings (well!), Bobby dances.

If I were his shoe, I would not follow him.

So much is packed into the first segment that the second is sort of bankrupt. Bobby doesn't want to wake up, BK doesn't want to wake up. Downstairs in the hotel lobby, two women want a picture with Whitney (and Bobby?) but she refuses, of course. Bobby doesn't, of course. "I say no and he says yes. Go figure, " says an incredulous Whit. Them disagreeing? Go figure!

Then, boring talk about BK's dolls (pronounced "dawls" by Jersey's own Whit). Boring horseplay with Bobby Jr. (whom Whit curiously refers to as "our son") follows.

Cut to Bobby at the bar, ordering a vanilla vodka on the rocks. Bobby Jr. walks up, and Bobby sends him outside. Sad. The show's 370th sexually awkward white guy extra, who's sitting at the bar close to Bobby, comments that he should have let Jr. stay. No way. "He won't go through levels as what his father does," slurs Bobby. Sadder. Saddest: "Me and my disease tells me I need a drink right now." Yikes. And then, twisting the knife, SAWG asks:

And who the fuck are you? "Todd Bridges," says Bobby and the guy still doesn't get it. I think this might be a setup, but, y'know, I'm sure it's based on the truth (the inevitable punchline, as we've already seen on this show about five times since it started airing, is that people recognize Bobby once he points out that he's married to Whit).

Then you, my friend, are living under a rock with a pop cultural IQ of 6. Seriously, there's no excuse for that and really, Bobby, if you're reading: it's not you, it's him.

Commercials and then Bobby and Whit prepare for dinner. He announces that he'll be proposing to her in a bid to renew their vows. Wow, how special that we've been invited to witness!

Eloquent! "Oh, I like that," Whit says in response. But has there even been a report of them getting remarried in the past year? I think this is the third element of the episode we're still waiting on. Whatever. I have time.

And now, let's get intawhit:

"Uhvil," she slurs. Sorry, Whit. You are not in the running towards becoming America's Next Top Spokesmodel. We find out that the Uhvil is to alleviate Whit's uterine problems.

"That's bloating. The agnoy! The pain! The pressure!" she says. But her problems don't stop there!

"Drop it on the one!" She proves herself to be a regular thesaurus when taking a call from someone named Nicole. "I'm 'bout to go take a real one and sit on the toilet and talk to you," she says. Even her shit is real.

The end.

Whitney Houston gives good face:

Next week . . . wait, there are no previews for next week. The fuck? I wonder if that has anything to do with further space-time continuum fuckery on Bravo's part? Whatever it is, can't wait!

Comments

[jill]

A boatload! Still, I guess it is a good sign that I am only now sincerely worried for Whitney, six episodes into the season. Great recap!

[Brad]

Because of you I'm becoming addicted to this train wreck of a show. You are bad. Very, very bad.

[Ian]

Biscuits and gravyyyyy...biscuits, biscuits and graaaaavy...sop it up! s-s-sop it up!

[a.]

these recaps are so good!

[Dr. Vivian Bell]

Rich, word on the skreet is that Sherman H. is gay, gayer than gay, the biggest gay. No sheeeet. Then again, no one ever doubted that Weezie was a man working it. yowsa, yowsa, yowsa.

[dooku]

I can't wait to see the next episode. I love watching people eat!

[Davis McDavis]

I'm so glad to find someone as obsessed with this show as I am. Thank you for these wonderful recaps!

[bubble head]

Lucky for you, there is going to be a new episode this week!! I just saw previews, can't wait. Hilarious. I'm obsessed with Whitney and this show as much as u are.

[Spaz Cadet]

Thank you, Fourfour. You are frickin' hilarious. Poor Whitney's belly. Poor us for having to hear about her poop issues. You know what will eff up your pooping, BTW? Heroin. Heroin binds something horrible, and when it gots to come out it comes out in a torrent. Maybe Crack isn't the only addiction disease these folks got, because they seem to have lots of constipation issues.

[Skenecia]

They don't seem to have constipation issues, they just speak on when they gots to go!! Just like Jessica Simpson did on her show, it seems like she always was talkin about taking a poop lmao.

[jheka]

This show is my favorite. Eat, poop, antics, eat some more. What's not to like?

jheka

[M to the G]

For those of you who need to more about how to get your Slop down:

http://www.streetswing.com/histmain/z3slop1.htm

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